Freedom from Self Hatred

If I were starting this blog today, I would name the blog the same as the title of this post. Maybe it's time for a new blog all together? Emotional eating and self hatred are usually cousins. More accurately, dieting and self hatred are cousins. Maybe sisters. People who diet, despite the double-speak of diet gurus, don't love themselves. When someone says, I want to be thinner because I love myself, they are lying. They want to be thinner because they believe that's they only way they CAN love themselves.

There is an insidious problem in our culture with true, unconditional self love, especially when it comes to status and appearance. We are told in subtle and loud ways that lovable means attractive. We are told that attractive means thin, athletic, young, strong, healthy, "normal," and a bunch of other things.

Everyone needs to be loved, to feel a sense of belonging and value. We are social animals. We are wired to want connection. Being told that we are not lovable, wantable because we are fat, old, ill, injured, or in any way different from "normal" - whatever that is - makes us feel less than, separate, icky. It hurts. Getting that message over and over makes us feel shame. And in our culture, we combat that shame by turning against ourselves in ridiculous attempts to fit in.

Capitalism benefits from and therefore fosters this process. If companies can convince us we are ugly, icky and unlovable UNLESS we buy their diet book/exercise equipment/magic lotion/hair thickener, they can make a lot of money. So that's exactly what they do. And the cycle of fostering more and more insecurity and self hatred gets worse and worse.

We need voices of clarity to turn to, as a counter to all the painful messages that we are not good enough right now, exactly as we are. Fortunately those voices are out there - if you know where to look. One great resources is Joy Nash. Her youTube video, A Fat Rant is hysterical. Another lovely voice is Ram Dass. His book, Still Here unmasks the self-hatred that calls itself "anti-aging." As if that's a good thing.

Here's a quote:

"Women now live a full third of their lives after menopause, and yet if you believe our popular culture, a woman who isn't young, shapely and still capable of bearing children is all but invisible. I have woman friends who've gone to great lengths to keep up a youthful front with the help of plastic surgery, and while the results may be superficially satisfying, the impulse to re-carve what nature has created often masks a profound despair. It is a if we are urged to fight over and and over again, a losing battle against time, pitting ourselves against natural law. How ghastly this is, and how inhumane, toward both ourselves and the cycle of life. It reminds me of someone rushing around the fields in the autumn, painting the marvelous gold and red leaves with green paint. It's a lot of wasted time and energy."

As I re-read this quote, I declare to the world and myself, I am PRO aging. I am pro-wrinkle, pro-grey, pro-age-spot. I am also pro-body, regardless of size or shape, full figured, flat figured, all figured. I am pro-kindness, especially kindness to the bodies we live in and the selves that inhabit those bodies. I am pro-fun, pro-silly, pronated (really, my ankles turn in).

May 6th is International No Diet Day. Let's strive to make every day World Self-Kindness Day.