Resolutions

I just got my favorite non-diet newsletter, Stay Attuned, from Karin Kratina and Amy Tuttle at Nourishing Connections (http://nourishingconnections.com). They do such a good job of uncovering the harmful messages at the heart of the weight loss commercials that abound every new year.

Personally, I've been bristling at the latest Special K commercials - the ones that ask, "What will you gain when you lose?" What a waste of time to keep measuring our success on the bathroom scale, our happiness by the size of our jeans. Uch. It's enough to make you lose your appetite!

What I really hate are the promises - implicit and explicit - that being thinner will make us happier and more successful. I've been thinner. I gained two things when I was at my thinnest:

• The attention of narcissistic men who wanted have sex with me, but had no interest in who I really was.
• A temporary reprieve from my own meanness and constant self-criticism, which ended up being no reprieve at all, as it was immediately replaced by the terror that I would soon regain what I'd lost.

In my teens and through most of my twenties, I didn't have the wisdom, strength, perspective or self-awareness to really scrutinize these false promises. I needed to cling to the belief that by controlling my body, I would find love, security, peace - all the things I craved.

It's been a long journey. I've had to grieve the truth, that my parents didn't know how to love and value me as I was (and so I had to teach myself how to do just that). I've had lots of starts and stops. I've had lots of amazing help (especially from Robyn Posin at http://www.forthelittleonesinside.com). And now, at 46, I really know in my bones that what I craved in my twenties could only come from one place: myself.

So today, at the start of this new year, I am recommitting to the resolutions I've made as I've recovered from my eating disorder. Here they are...

1. I resolve to listen deeply to my body and honor the messages it sends me. I will eat when I'm hungry, stop when I feel fed, and eat what I crave, whether it's brussels sprouts or buttermilk donuts.
2. When I'm tired, I will rest, and not push through the fatigue.
3. When my body wants to move, I will dance, walk in the woods, stretch - or anything else that answers the need.
4. I will not overwork, over-stress, or over-do.
5. When I feel worried, confused, distressed, sad or angry, I will stop and listen carefully and do whatever I can to bring myself relief.
6. I will say No to anything that doesn't feel right, even if there is a voice in my head saying, "but you really should..."
7. I will ask for help and accept kindness whenever it is offered.
8. I will actively seek out experiences and friendships that make me feel alive and fulfilled.
9. I will actively stop experiences and relationships that are depleting.
10. And above all else, I will treat myself with love, gentleness, tenderness, respect and care.

This is my only "diet," and it's the only one that's ever delivered on the promises of love and happiness.

If you find yourself contemplating a diet for the new year, I invite you to stop and listen to what you are really craving, and ask yourself if being thinner will really get you there. Whatever you need to find happiness, you have the power to provide for yourself, regardless of your size.