I'm sitting at home, vegging in front of the TV. Queen Latifah is doing her latest Jenny Craig commercial - sharing her happiness at being a "size active." I wish the message really was that we can all be proud of ourselves, active, healthy and happy regardless of size. But standing next to Q.L. is a much thinner woman - we get to see her "before" and "after" pictures - showing that she's lost a significant amount of weight. And in the corner of the screen in small letters reads the caption: Results not typical.
All diets - Jenny's included have a 90% failure rate at the 3-year mark. There are so many reasons for this. Some of it is plain old biology - each of us has a natural weight coded into our DNA - and our natural weight may not be thin.
I know this is a hard one to accept for a lot of people. The messages we get repeatedly (so often that we are actually brainwashed into believing) tell us that we are all meant to be thin. If we are fat - it's a sign of something wrong that must be fixed. So, we turn to diets, to pills, to gyms, to coaches, to hypnosis - anything we think will "fix" us.
Sometimes, fatness is just a normal body type. Other times, there is an emotional component - we may "hunger" for something, but we are not physically hungry. This hunger is even felt in the body. The belly and heart have the largest clusters of neurons outside the brain - which is why we have "gut feelings," and "heartfelt moments."
Often we are hungry for soothing, understanding, connection, support, acceptance. What's crazy-making is that by going on a diet, you are basically saying to yourself, "I'm not acceptable, or lovable, or worthwhile as I am." If you hunger for unconditional love and acceptance, then the diet is a set up for failure.
If you eat to soothe, but you are getting the unsettling message that you're not okay as you are - then you'll need to do something to soothe that unsettled feeling. You may be able to calm yourself with exercise, stress reduction, or some kind of distraction for a while. But eventually you will probably turn to the thing that works best and fastest - food. This is one reason why 90% of dieters regain all the weight they lose.
What to do? Stop dieting - throwing money and energy away on pills and programs that are destined to fail. Work toward accepting yourself as you are right now. This is hard. Repetition and emotional intensity have brainwashed you into believing that fat is ugly, undesirable and unhealthy. However, more and more people have found ways to re-educate themselves and redefine beauty. Books like Zaftig and Fat!So?, movies like Too Beautiful for You, Hairspray and Real Women Have Curves can help provide a "counter-chorus" to the never-ending media messages about thinness.
Focus on health, rather than weight loss. Exercise comfortably and move your body in ways that feel good. You don't have to "burn" any part of yourself to be active and get your heart-rate up. Consult your MD or a professional trainer who is not going to push you to lose weight for safe ways to incorporate movement into your life. Pat Lyons and Kelly Bliss both offer books and internet support for exercise at every size.
Upgrade nutritional content rather than downgrading calories. Eat organically if you can afford it. Eat more whole foods and less processed or refined foods. Talk with a doctor or nutritionist who follows the non-diet approach to health. Google "fat positive" and explore the links for more support.
Accepting who you really are inside and out is a daunting task for many of us. You may have spent a lifetime making yourself a "fixer-upper" project. Self acceptance may mean remembering and mourning the painful times you've been shamed or rejected. It may mean learning to protect yourself from well-meaning others who continue to say rude, shaming things about you or your body. It may mean seeking out people who can and will truly love you just as you are.
When you create the safety of self acceptance, then you can have real results - results that ARE typical include - more laughter, more love, and more freedom to enjoy life.
